George Carlin once said that a dog measures time in segments of forever. You start petting them? Playing fetch? They think it’s going to last “forevaaa.” It’s safe to assume, then, that when you go away, you might be gone forever, too.
During the ETERNAL wait, dogs have their own funny (and clever) way of dealing with this “dramatic” time in their day — and the excitement that comes when you FINALLY return.
So how do you explain this “now you’re there, then you’re not” phenomenon from your sidekick’s point of view? Well, with these five stages.
1. The wait. The long, long wait.
Oh, the dreaded the wait. What does your dog do when he has lost all hope in humanity? Well, he’s got options.
Some pups can get by with a little help from their friends to keep busy while you’re away:
Others will drown their sorrows in food….a lot of food:
If you’re not back right away, though, they’ll have to find their own way to pass the time. This might include rearranging the furniture:
Doing some tidying up around the house:
Or just spending some quality time with a Snuggie while they try to cope:
2. FINALLY, the jingle of the keys.
Regardless of how they choose to spend the time, your furry friend will be ready for you at the first sign you’re back in their “domain:”
Day or night:
No matter how quiet you think you’re being, they know:
3. You’re home, you’re home, let’s go BONKERS
This one doesn’t need much explanation:
The best thing about dogs is their limitless potential for excitement:
Sometimes it seriously defies gravity:
That could cause some furniture related casualties:
But whether you just ran around the corner to put the clothes in the dryer or are coming in from a night on the town, your dog will act like he hasn’t seen you in years:
4. The very, very happy booty dance
After you’re safely through the door, the best stage occurs: The Happy Booty Dance. It goes a little something like this:
Yes, they shake what their momma gave them:
And especially this:
5. Never leave me again
Once this excitement has died down, though, your dog will do what she does best: guilt you into never leaving her again.
And, really:
How could you?
